As the world watches each thing that you do,

Never forget, it’s all about you.

Only you matter, you are the best,

Your wishes come first, ignore the rest.

 

Make instant decisions, proclaim at top speed –

Those boring briefs are for others to read.

Do what you like, you have the might,

Whatever the outcome, say you were right.

 

Feel free to dispense with ancient allies,

Don’t give a toss about breaking trade ties.

Tell migrants it’s time for repatriation,

True to your word, you’re building one nation.

 

Reject tiresome science, stats and reality,

Rely instead on your warm personality.

Smile at your fans, spare them a wave,

Stop for a selfie?   See how they rave!

 

Keep everything simple, be policy-light,

But don’t let that stop you having a fight.

Call your opponents an unpleasant name,

Treat the whole thing like it’s a game.

 

Enrich and reward your family and friends,

To ensure their loyalty never ends.

Avoid paying taxes, as only you can,

Leave that task to the common man.

 

Do whatever you want to boost your base,

Just in case it becomes a close race.

If they vote you out, refuse to go,

You’re their true leader, don’t they know!

 

Dismiss the law, bend rubbish rules,

You’re in power, so pick your tools.

Faced with the facts, look vague and deny,

And if that fails, then simply lie.

 

Should it become a bumpy ride,

Get the enforcers on your side.

Egg them on, and when they shoot,

Blame lefty yobs trying to loot.

 

Remember, nothing can be a sin,

If it’s designed to make you win.

For you are he, the chosen chap,

Hear how loud they cheer and clap!